300 (2007)

A Colossal Waste Of.... Well, Everything

- A whole bunch of my friends and family ran to the theater to see Zach Snyder's gory comic book war flick 300 when it was first released back in the spring of 2007. All of them came back with nothing but praise - apparently, I just had to see it.

So I did see it - when it came to DVD - And... I absolutely hated it. Yes folks, we are talking here about hatred. I am a fan of action films in general but 300 is not a good one.

300 is just chock-full of one big ridiculous event after another. Most of us are familiar with the historical event that the film is based on: 300 Greeks vs. thousands of Persians at Thermopylae – and while the general idea of story told in 300 is, in a nutshell, not terrible (though not historically accurate at all), everything that eventually makes it up and moves it along is terrible: from the painfully embarrassing character introductions to the bizarre Oracles and the flat love story to the homoerotic warrior bonding.

I also found the famed picture that so many had ranted and raved about to be absolutely nothing special. Hey, I am sure that the way they did it really was "revolutionary" or whatever but I just found it to be just unpleasant to look at. The film looks like someone had urinated on the original print, I'm sorry.

Plus, the vast majority of the film's featured performances are also all terrible; full of unintentionally hilarious line deliveries. Come on, how can anyone possibly keep a straight face when Gerard Butler squeals "THIS IS SPARTAAAA!"?

And for all the talk of the supposedly "revolutionary" look and a hairy Gerard Butler in a loin cloth, no other film was supposed to be able to touch the amazing, eye-popping action sequences in 300. Well, imagine my surprise when I found the action to not only be quite un-revolutionary but quite dull! Sure, there is a ton of blood and chopped limbs set to raging drop-tuned heavy metal clips - but where is the uniqueness? We have seen this kind of sword swinging testosterone mania before and have seen it done far better in films of the past.

I have the greatest suspicion that I will never know why this film continues to gather praise. For me, 300 was just a waste of film, money, talent, energy and time.


CBC Rating: 3/10

Barnyard (2006)

The Udder King

- Nickelodeon Movies is obviously trying to get into the lucrative family-oriented animated film market with their 2006 animated production Barnyard. They have succeeded in getting into it, unfortunately they are easily dead last in this animated films market as far as quality and entertainment goes. What makes the Disney, Disney-Pixar, and even some of the DreamWorks animated films great are their animation quality, wittiness in their writing, and ability to entertain all ages. Barnyard subjects all of the audience to barnyard-level humor, cheap-looking animation, the most lame brained slapstick one could conjure up and flat characters one cannot dream of caring about (and somebody please explain to me why all of the MALE cow characters have udders!!!!).

Not only that, but Barnyard completely rips off The Lion King (1994) - and the filmmakers had to know that they were doing it too since everyone and their dog has seen The Lion King 100 million times over.

The plot for Barnyard goes like so: a young animal (in this case, a cow) must take over for his father who was died (HELLOOOO, Mufasa & Simba anyone?) and protect their land (in this case a farm instead of "pride lands") from the evil animals (in this case wolves instead of hyenas) while the main character tries to win the heart of the female animal (also a cow). There are even scenes in Barnyard that are seemingly ripped directly from the film reels of The Lion King; especially the fight in the wolves' junkyard lair that looks "surprisingly" a lot like the hyena's elephant graveyard lair seen in The Lion King.

Maybe this just is not my kind of movie but I simply did not like Barnyard very much in any way at all. I will admit that there are a couple of funny gags in the film - and when I say that, I mean that there are literally two or three (maybe four) gags that get a chuckle within the entire 90 minute movie. I like a well done animated movie but give me any of the classic animated Disney films and the Disney-Pixar films over Barnyard any day.


CBC Rating: 3/10

Hot Fuzz (2007)

Pegg, Frost And Wright Are Back In Hot Fuzz!

- The company that gave you Shaun Of The Dead (2004) - Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Edgar Wright - return for another truly unique and hilarious comedy in 2007: Hot Fuzz!

Excelling at his academic and on-the-job police work and unwavering in his by-the-book professionalism and honesty, policeman (oh, sorry: "police officer") Nicholas Angel (Simon Pegg) is cleaning up the streets of London one thug at a time. Nicholas is so good at his job, in fact, that his superiors have decided to put his talents "to better use" by reassigning him to the small town of Sandford because, as his Chief Inspector put it, "you're making us all look bad."

As one might suspect, Nicholas is not happy about being taken out of the intense action of London and being put into the dull life of Sandford - and to make matters worse, Nicholas is partnered up with the clueless but good-natured Danny Butterman (Nick Frost). But the quiet country life of Sandford turns mysterious with the coming of many so-called accidents that have left people dead, and it is up to Nicholas and Danny to figure out if these accidents are just a string of tragic occurrences or the work of a dangerous killer.

Similar to Shaun Of The Dead in its placing of clever and eccentric comedy into a frightening situation, Hot Fuzz is a hilarious but different kind of comedy; packing this serious murder/mystery story with tons of laughs. Director Edgar Wright brings the same energetic pacing of Shaun Of The Dead to Hot Fuzz, helping to create not just a funny movie but also an exciting action flick.

So much of the film's comedy comes from the cast. Leading the way are Simon Pegg with his highly individual comedic style as the heroic and ready for action Nicholas Angel and Nick Frost with his bumbling and silly portrayal of Danny Butterman. Pegg and Frost really drive the film, their comedic back-and-forth is absolutely hilarious and the "buddy" relationship they create adds some meaning to the film.

Hot Fuzz definitely sees more internationally known stars than Shaun Of The Dead (many of them in fantastic cameo roles): The Oscar-winning Jim Broadbent brings his great veteran presences to the film as Inspector Frank Butterman (yes, there is a relation to Danny), versatile character actor Paddy Considine plays one of the very crude "Andys" and former James Bond Timothy Dalton shows how well he can do comedy as the enigmatic Simon Skinner.

Perhaps, in the end, not at the exact same high level as Shaun Of The Dead, Hot Fuzz is still a very creative, hilarious and action-packed film - one of the best comedies of its time.


CBC Rating: 9/10