Monday, August 1, 2011

Planet Terror (2007)

Plainly Terrible

- Ouch. Planet Terror is without a doubt the *WORST* movie that I saw from 2007. Well, what did I expect? I found the film's Grindhouse counterpart Death Proof (2007) substandard, so why did I think Robert Rodriquez's half of would be any better?

The entire movie is completely ridiculous - and not a good 'spoof' kind of ridiculous - I am talking "what the hell is this horribly lame piece of crap movie?" kind of ridiculous. The whole film is just an poorly made excuse for watching disturbing gore, over-the-top violence, and hot chicks (alright, so I did not mind the latter so much - so sue me!). Meanwhile, the film tries to hide behind the veil of "oh, it's supposed to be over the top" kind of filmmaking. Well congrats Rodriguez, Planet Terror is probably the most over-the-top steaming pile of disgusting mutant guano I have ever seen transferred to film.

While Josh Brolin works in his role as the concerned doctor (up until a certain point in the film that is), everyone else in the cast was just plain terrible and painful to watch. No seriously, it actually hurt. I was clutching my side in agony for the entire two hours (which felt about five times longer than that). The script is also OH so horrible!- at least Death Proof had a pinch of clever dialogue.

It really is a shame that so much foliage was wasted for this pathetic excuse for a script. Actually, now that I think of it, it is a pity that so much film and DVD material was wasted on this film. WAIT! It is a pity that two hrs of my life was wasted! I can't get that time back! AH! I don't even get the last laugh! No!!!!

CBC Rating: 2/10

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